Two Positive Hospital Births

If there's one thing that I've learned after giving birth to two babies, it's that pregnancy and birth are most likely NOT going to go how you expect them to. In my case, I always dreamed of having a natural home birth. Birthing at home was very normal in my family. My mom had 5 natural home births - You go, Mom! You’re incredible! Things didn’t exactly turn out that way for me. Today, I would like to share with you my experience of someone who yearned for a completely natural home birth, yet ended up having two great hospital births.

2021 - Jack and I were pregnant with our first baby. I wanted to have a home birth but our housing situation made me less than 100% sure I wanted to give birth at home. Instead, my husband and I decided to go with the birthing center in town. I thought, "Perfect! This place has the natural minded midwives along with a homey atmosphere." It seemed to be perfect for our situation. This was 2020, during the heart of COVID, so unfortunately I couldn't meet with the midwives ahead of time and interview them like every pregnancy resource recommends. We had a pretty good experience in the beginning, but as my pregnancy progressed, we began to be less than impressed. I did not feel like I received the standard of care that I should. Establishing a supportive connection with my care providers was also missing. I had several symptoms of preeclampsia and everyone was very worried I was going to get it. I started dreading my prenatal visits because of the way they made me feel like I was a disease just waiting to happen. I had weekly urine samples, weekly blood draws, and had my blood pressure checked more times than I can count.

At 37 weeks, I got a call from the midwife saying that my blood work showed elevated liver enzymes and I needed to go to the hospital asap; I was most likely getting induced and having a baby that day! This was June 11, 2021. I was a wreck and absolutely terrified. Because of COVID, the midwives weren't allowed to come to the hospital with me so it was basically like, c'est la vie. Up to this point in my life, I was terrified of hospitals. And I definitely didn't want a hospital birth. It was such a scary concept to me. After a good friend at worked helped calm me down, Jack came and was my rock - and helped me through all the emotions. I felt so unprepared to have a baby. We didn't even have our birthing bag packed.

After Jack ran around the house making dinner, packing our bag, cleaning, and making last minute pad-sicles (for some reason at the time I was really concerned that we didn't have these prepped - I ended up not even liking or using them haha), we drove to the hospital. I had such an anxious feeling in my stomach. We got there and they put me in triage and did extensive blood work and monitored the baby. Everyone was so lovely. They joked and were kind and helped calm my fears. They were also very considerate of the fact that I had come from the birthing center and didn't necessarily want to be in the hospital. After a few hours, the doctor came in and she was also very kind and lovely. She mentioned that it was almost unheard of, but my test results were normal and she saw no reason to induce labor that day. She suggested that chronic dehydration might have been a possible cause (more on this later in a coming blog post). What a blessing from God!

This experience was a huge turning point in my life. I realized I was fearing something that I made up in my mind to be scary, but really wasn't scary at all. Though this experience started off as very stressful, it became extremely valuable. The nurses and doctors were all so kind and most importantly, CALM. Calmness was something that was very much lacking in my experience with the midwives. I felt like every waking minute they were freaking out about something and being anything but calm. Calm was the exact thing I needed in my pregnancy.

The birthing center officially transferred me to the hospital and I had the endearing title of "high risk." I had my first prenatal visit with Dr. VanLandingham at 38 weeks - what a time to first be meeting your doctor! I liked her. Again she had that sense of calm that was so lacking at the birthing center. Whatever symptoms I was showing, she approached it with calmness and an attitude of "Let's figure this out in a way that aligns with what you want." She knew I wanted a natural birth and tried to do everything she could to help me have that experience. She never pushed me into anything I didn't want to do.

It seems like with any birth these days, unless you have a home birth with a midwife, you never know what doctor/midwife you’ll actually have for the birth. It’s just whoever is on call that day. This was very disheartening for me. I really really craved that relationship with my doctor/midwife to carry through into when I was in labor. Well God answered my prayers on that one! Though I was in labor for 52 hours, I ended up getting Dr. VanLandingham as the doctor who delivered Evia. What a blessing! Even though I only knew her for 2 weeks previous, it was so nice to have a bit of familiarity. However, when it comes down to it, once I was in labor I REALLY did not care who my doctor was. I was just ready to have that baby in my arms!

I went into labor July 3 (the day before my due date!). I won’t get into all the details of my birth story but feel free to ask if you’re curious - I love sharing my birth story! Because I had such a long labor, we ended up going to the hospital 3 different times (although the first time was to check if my water had broken - which was before I was in labor). Each experience was such a good one. Overall, we had amazing nurses and good doctors. Everyone respected our birth plan and nobody ever tried to push induction or an epidural on me. When the time finally came for me to push, things happened fast. Nurse Allison (our favorite nurse that we had) suggested I start pushing on my back and then change positions if I wanted to. It never got to that point! I only pushed for 20 minutes and Doctor VanLandingham barely got there on time. She was there for the last two minutes of pushing. When Evia's head and shoulders were out, I will never forget when Dr. V asked, "Do you want to catch her?" I reached down and pulled the rest of her body out. What a special moment that was! There is nothing in this world that beats the feeling of holding your baby in your arms for the very first time.

Unfortunately, having our newborn baby in my arms didn't last too long. Evia was having a really hard time breathing so sadly she had to be whisked away to the NICU. Her lungs were almost completely filled with fluid. In this circumstance I am so thankful that we were in the hospital. I can't imagine going through all that labor and THEN having to be rushed to the hospital. We liked the OB nurses, but liked the NICU nurses tenfold. They provided exceptional care for our sweet little baby and were so kind to us. It really really stinks having your newborn baby in the NICU, but we were so thankful for the care she received and for the fact that she was going to be okay.

We were ecstatic the day we got to come home from the hospital. We came home with a pink, healthy baby in our arms and warm feelings toward the whole hospital experience. I started out as someone being terrified of the hospital and any medical intervention to having warm feelings about a place that took care of me and my baby.

I feel like a lot of times really natural minded people think that doctors are going to push every medical intervention down your throat when you have a hospital birth. This was definitely not the case in my experience. Everyone was very respectful of my choices and birth preferences to have a natural birth. Sometimes they would offer certain medical choices, but they were doing so to help and to give me options. You can always say no. This is why it's so important to be educated in what you want and why, while also being flexible to make informed decisions in the present moment of labor and birth.

Birth #2

After finding out we were pregnant with Baby #2 in July 2023, Jack and I had a decision to make: where would we give birth this next time? From our last experience, we decided the home birth midwives were not for us. We decided to go with a midwife that worked at the medical center; we had heard good things about her. We liked her up until I had one higher blood pressure reading at one of the visits (141/82). I had struggled with this in my first pregnancy and she was concerned from the get-go that I would get preeclampsia a second time. Instead of calmly taking my blood pressure a second time, the midwife bursts into the room, sits down right in front of my face and says, “Well girl, you've got it again.” It was that dreaded "p word" - preeclampsia. She proceeds to talk my ear off about what this means for future visits and how dangerous it is and how "sad" she was for me, etc. A flood of emotions comes my way and I immediately get PTSD from my last midwife experience when I was poked and prodded and barely treated like a human. She goes as far to tell me how I’m going to have heart disease in the future because of having preeclampsia twice and, "I’m sorry to have to say that but that’s just how it is.” My husband who is always such a great advocate for me says, “Don’t you think you’re jumping the gun a bit? She’s only had one higher blood pressure reading?” “Well no honey, that’s just how it is.” she replied. Well after she left the room, the nurse took my blood pressure again and guess what? It was completely NORMAL.

After that visit, we immediately decided to switch to someone else. Yet again we had an experience with a midwife completely freaking out and losing her cool about the possibility of me getting preeclampsia. I totally understand that if I did have a complication (such as preeclampsia), the midwife would have every right to be concerned and might refer me to someone else. I was just not a fan of the fact that she jumped to a HUGE conclusion just because of the one high blood pressure reading (which ended up being normal at the end of the visit) and that she didn't approach it in a calm, gentle, "let's figure this out together" kind of attitude.

Since we had a good experience with Dr. V last pregnancy, we decided to do the rest of the prenatal visits with her. She was great! Praise the Lord, I never ending up getting preeclampisa, but I did end up having elevated (but still within a normal range) blood pressure toward the end of the third trimester. Dr. V was always calm, cool, and collected. She made modifications for me such as taking my blood pressure at the end of each visit instead of the beginning (to defeat the white coat syndrome I seem to always have) and even doing the blood pressure check manually at the end of my pregnancy. Especially in the last weeks, I felt like she was truly rooting for me. She knew I wanted to go into labor naturally and have this baby naturally, and even though my blood pressure was creeping up toward the end, she never tried to push me into getting an induction.

God answered my prayers and I went into labor naturally on April 19, 2024. One of my goals this time around was to labor at home for as long as possible before going to the hospital. I'm so proud to say that I definitely accomplished my goal! I

ended up laboring at home for 30 hours. My labor stalled for a while which was a little frustrating, but it all turned out great. This time around, I used Hypnobirthing as a tool to relax during contractions. My favorite ones were Built to Birth with Bridget Tayler and Christian Hypnobirthing. I spent time in the tub, moving on the birth ball, walking, side-lying, and trying to rest as much as possible. By evening time on Saturday, April 20, I was feeling a bit defeated and really didn’t feel like the baby was coming anytime soon. I called my mom and she suggested I go to the hospital - and I felt like that was a good idea. We called our friend Sharon to watch Evia and she came. When we got to the hospital and put in triage, I was 7 1/2 cm dilated! Jack and I felt so happy and relieved. The nurse immediately said, “Let’s get you up to your own room. It looks like you’ll be having a baby soon!” When we got up to the birthing suite, the nurse asked if I wanted to sit on the birth ball while she monitored the baby’s heartbeat. I did. All looked healthy and Jack started filling up the enormous bathtub. Once I got in the bathtub, I think I only had 2 contractions until I yelled, “I NEED TO PUSH!!!” So the nurses checked me and helped me out of the tub. I wasn’t quite fully dilated so I continued to labor on all fours on the bed, squatting, and with the peanut ball. When the time came to push, my body was telling me I needed to be in the squatting position. The nurses were so lovely and turned the bed into a “squat bed.” Jack got behind me and helped support me in the squatting position. I only pushed for 10 minutes and she was here!

Early labor: Evia and I baking a birthday cake for Freya Active labor: at home snuggling with Evia Active labor: on a birth ball at hospital

We got to the hospital at 9:30 pm and Freya was born only two hours later! Again, we had such an amazing experience at the hospital. The nurses were all great and took good care of us. Everyone respected and adhered to our birth plan so well. The birthing suite is amazing - spacious, mountain view, huge bathtub, dim lighting, calm atmosphere, and has so many amenities for laboring. The doctor we had that evening was absolutely amazing. Dr. Godar was sweet, encouraging, warm, peaceful, and so lovely. She had every quality I wanted in a practitioner. My birth with Freya was so beautiful. Jack and I both cried out of pure joy when she was born. My heart was so thankful that she was healthy and that I was able to have her naturally. We had the most beautiful golden hour (more like 90 minutes) which I was extra thankful for since I didn't get to have that with Evia. The whole thing was a wonderful experience and I'm so glad we chose the Flagstaff Medical Clinic.

Breastfeeding our darling baby girl during the golden hour

I'm still hoping maybe in the future I'll get to experience having a home birth, but at this point I am so thankful for the two amazing hospital births that I've had. Every time I drive past the Flagstaff Medical Clinic, I get the warmest feeling. My two babies were born there. There no longer is any fear or dread associated with the hospital. Having my babies in the hospital, instead of at home, may not have been what I anticipated, but God worked it out for the best as He always does.