Can Your Heart be in Two Places at Once?

Flying to another country...

another universe.

Once scary

Now greatly anticipated

To see ones newly loved.

A heart split

Half for ones I've loved my entire life

Half for new

The love for both is so strong

Where does my heart belong?

Is it here

Is it there

Is it on an airplane going somewhere new?

The truth I've found,

Is the heart can exist

In many places

All at the same time.

I wrote this poem on my flight back to New Zealand after going home to Nebraska for Christmas. It's hard to put into words how you feel when your heart is in two places. I fell in love with a country that is not my own. Yet I'm still in love with the country that I came from. How can your heart be in two places at one time? I believe that every place you travel to leaves an imprint on your soul. It's just like every person you meet leaves an imprint on you in someway, no matter how big or how small. When you live in a place for a certain amount of time, it becomes a part of you somehow: the place and the people in it.

When I was home for Christmas, I was so happy. I mean, not everyone gets the opportunity to go home for Christmas and spend time with amazing family and friends. I treasured every second of my time home. I am so thankful for everyone who allowed it to happen and took the time to visit me while I was home. And boy did I have some special moments. Meeting and getting to hold my Godbaby Rae Kate. Cuddling her and watching her smile. Talking about life with my sister and brother in law. Coffee date with my Mama. Joking with my dad. Hugging my grandparents. Drinking a beer with my best friend. Snuggling my ginger babies. Having late night conversations with my niece. Praising Jesus in church. All these moments were not missed. Time has become so precious to me. 12 month visa. 3 weeks home with family and friends. 3 more months with my friends in Kaikoura. 2 weeks traveling with my best friend. With limited time, you really learn to treasure every single moment. And I really did while I was home. Yet I couldn't help but feel like part of me was left in New Zealand. I kept thinking of my friends, my dear newly loved friends. Some part of me wanted to be there. Another part of me was completely happy being at home. I'm not sure if everyone has this feeling in their lifetime. The feeling of leaving your heart in two places at once. But it's a very real feeling.

I want my loved ones to know that you mean the world to me. And I would quite literally travel across the globe to be with you. To my family and friends that are worried I will stay in New Zealand forever, I won't. You mean too much to me to do that. To my newly loved ones, I am going to make every second count with you. I feel so blessed to get the chance to love you. And boy, I'm going to love hard. It's the people that make a place a part of you, not the place itself.